i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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