She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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