if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My penis needs a shock collar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
