Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
