Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
