It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
