he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
