All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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