normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
