90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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