Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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