Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
