Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
