Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
