oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
