my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
