If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
