just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
