She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
