I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
