i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
