Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
