I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
where are my eyebrows?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
