Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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