took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
