That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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