I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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