shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
