Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
