Your face is a jimmy john
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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