Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
