I'm gonna have a badass scar
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
