drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
