and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
