Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I currently don't understand fingers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
