heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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