omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
