Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
