how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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