he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
