Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
