THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
