I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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