Swine flu. Run for my life!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
