He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
