Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
