Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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