she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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