i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
