I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
