i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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