The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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