why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
