So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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