I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
