It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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