You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
