Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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