dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
