They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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