his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
