Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
