if you like me you must not know who I am
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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