i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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