So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
3pm strippers are depressing
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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