I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
