forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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