I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
