ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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