For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
