We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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