if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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