I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You don't make any sense
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