someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
