The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
