How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
