I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
