You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
