So drunk its hurt
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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