Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
