good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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