So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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