i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
